Introducing our new patron compression service

At a press conference today, Swem's R&D team announced a new service that promises to eliminate the time wasted by operating movable stacks. "This is revolutionary," said project head Justin Jest.  "Our initial goal was to reduce catalog-to-book time by twenty percent. But in field tests, we've actually seen reductions of as much as fifty percent."

The new service is powered by technology that R&D has dubbed “the 2-Dimensionalizer 3000.”  This machine compresses library patrons to a fraction of normal size, allowing them to easily slip between closed shelves to find the materials they need. 

"For decades, libraries have struggled to decide between the convenience of open shelving and the efficiency of movable stacks," said Dean of Libraries Carrie Cooper.   "I applaud the innovators who chose to solve the problem by changing the shape of the reader rather than the shelves."

Jim Blair ’12 expressed enthusiasm about the new service: "If there's a way for me to avoid wrestling with those brake buttons on the stacks, I'll be first in line to try it."  He and 50 others used the new patron compression service on its first day. 

The 2-Dimensionalizer 3000 is the culmination of several years of tireless work by researchers Hugh Gotta and Bea Kidding.  “It took only six weeks to measure the stacks and determine optimal post-compression dimensions,” says Gotta. “After that, the process slowed considerably.”

The Swem R&D team tested seventeen prototypes between May 2005 and August 2011, but remained unsuccessful until late October of last year.  Library engineer Bea Kidding was unfazed by the lengthy development period. “How do you flatten the average library patron to a depth of 30 millimeters? That’s the kind of question that can take decades to address.” 

Kidding credits much of the 2-Dimensionalizer’s success to Swem intern April Showers, who designed the software for the current model. Ms. Showers was not at liberty to discuss the details of the machine due to a pending patent application. However, she did reveal a few key aspects of the 2-Dimensionalizer: “simple calculus, the circuit board from a toy oven, and a small vacuum hose.”

“After I stumbled across the algorithm, everything just fell into place,” says Swem intern April Showers.

Swem administrators have assured the William & Mary community that the device is completely safe to use, citing extensive field testing on library student employees and a “Platinum Plus” rating from the Flat Stanley Foundation. 

Reactions to the 2-Dimensionalizer 3000 have been overwhelmingly positive. "It has completely changed my life," said law student Marsha Wythe. "Now I don't have to worry about making too much noise cranking open the stacks on the 3rd floor, or fitting into my skinny jeans."

"The 2-Dimensionalizer is awesome!" said freshman Will Orange. "It made it easy for me to get my books, and it also pressed the wrinkles out of my clothes!" 

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